10 Things I’ve Done This Summer That Aren’t Go to the Beach


July is half-over and we’re waist-deep in summer now, meaning my Instagram feed is one beach picture after another. Everyone is so tan and hot, drinking out of coconuts and captioning it all with a jillion dolphin emojis, wearing their triangl bikinis and abusing the Juno filter. Meanwhile I’m Jelly Clarkson since this move is taking over my life and I have not yet been to the beach or gotten a proper tan.

But that isn’t to say I’m not making my own fun. In fact, I’m going all kinds of places and doing all sorts of things in lieu of relaxing on the coast. Here are just a few.

10 things I’ve done this summer that aren’t ‘go to the beach’:

1. Flown from Maine to Tennessee with an overly excited toddler chattering nonstop and a fussy infant strapped to my chest

3. Watched Lucy watch Moana 308528 times

4. Watched Lucy watch Trolls 308529 times

5. Stared up at my ceiling late at night panicking about how I let Lucy watch too much TV and she’s going to grow up with some sort of social handicap

6. Lounged beside Lucy in her kiddie pool and pretended I was somewhere tropical by ignoring the loud reenactment of Finding Dory happening mere feet away

7. Tried to convince Orie we should adopt a St. Bernard

8. Failed at convincing Orie we should adopt a St. Bernard

9. Finally started watching the series Supernatural only to stop halfway through the first season and spend the ensuing several weeks trying to wash my face with my eyes open in the shower because demons

10. Kissed Orie a lot even though he won’t let me have a St. Bernard

11. Failed at applying self-tanner but succeeded in giving myself temporary vitiligo

12. Bought a house.

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