Winners & Goodbyes

I wanna start this post off with a big hefty HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Especially to those of us whose Valentine’s Day is depressingly no different than every other weekday, since romance has been long dead in our relationships and our jobs don’t give a heck about a this fake holiday.

More excitingly, however, I want to announce the winners of our Galentine’s Day giveaway: Nikki W. and Gabby S.! It was always my dream that when I hosted my first blog giveaway, one of the winners would be my ex-boyfriend’s younger, thinner, hotter new wife. The internet truly is a beautiful place.

To everyone who entered, please know that if it wasn’t considered ‘excessive’ and ‘technically illegal,’ I would send you all personalized thank-you notes doused in glitter. Your readership and your willingness to actually subscribe to this blog means more to me than you know. This year, you are all my Valentine’s. Especially the bots <3

To everyone who didn’t enter: your loss, since that was literally your only chance.

That’s a neat segue for my next news, which is that I am officially setting down the keyboard on HTLYT. It’s sad, right?! I hope this is sad for you. I hope it stings at least a little bit, since I am a jerk and I don’t like to be sad alone. You better believe I try to bully Orie into misery when I’m feeling down; my periods are a real doozy for him.

The reasons I’m calling it quits on this project are super boring and super normal, but chief among them is that the vision for this blog was never one meant to be carried out by a single writer. It’s meant to be a collaboration between funny, talented, witty women, and it’s not any good when I’m the only woman here. Then it just gets sort of sad and masturbatory, and I cannot think of anything worse than sad masturbation.

This is Google image’s answer to ‘sad masturbation.’ He doesn’t look sad at all.

I hope that one day, HTLYT can get a kick in the hiney and become what I really believe it has the potential to become: a non-judgmental, non-condescending, helpful place for girls to come and learn about life. Maybe with little dashes of escapism and nonsense thrown in, just because.

I’ll continue to host this blog at this URL for the foreseeable future, mainly because I know yall need access to such classics as the Handmaid’s Tale series, my Vin Diesel sex dream, and guest blogger Kim’s Youtube rabbithole. And who knows? Maybe I’ll renege after months away and all of yall who just signed up for my mailing list will get a random e-mail beginning with ‘HEY IT’S ME so anyway, about One Direction…’

Until then, I’ll still be writing because I’m always writing. Just, please: fingers crossed that the next time we meet, I haven’t procreated again. I am at my effing limit.

Thank you for everything, reader – you gave me an audience at a time when I felt like I’d lost my voice. I love every single one of you <3 Stay sweet, stay sensitive, and stay smart.

2 thoughts on “Winners & Goodbyes

  1. I am happy that you’re doing what you want to do but also really sad and I’m now going to need you to send me 500-1000 word pieces on your life and thoughts every Wednesday to fill the void. Love you <3

  2. This is sad but wonderful news because you will be freer (I hope) in life and things. I will be rereading the entirety of the blog from start to finish to get my fill of you and also waiting keenly in the wings for the day of HTLYT: Resurrection. xoxo

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