“How Do I Look Hot In a Bikini Despite Cellulite?”
This question was submitted by Natalie, which, firstly, hello Natalie, it made me insanely excited to get this question because it made me feel like I was running a legitimate blog with an actual readership instead of whatever the hell this is. Secondly, this question resonates deeply with me – as I’m sure it does with most women – because I have been fighting the cellulite battle since I was twelve years old.
The answer, though, is one you probably won’t like, since it was one I personally hated until very, very recently. And my answer is simply:
Put on the bikini.
You did it.
You look hot as hell.
I mean, sure, you can definitely go grab a sarong to tie it around your waist, or grab bathing suit bottoms with a ruffled skirt to hide your ass. You can even get teeny tiny little shorts with the aim of hiding your butt-dimples, but then the shorts squeeze too tight around your thighs and wind up making you look somehow worse than before.
Those are all things that I’ve done before to hide my cellulite, which I considered my worst physical feature. I’ll never forget when, in high school, my friend Sarah put up a picture of my butt on Facebook and some shitty guy commented ‘looks like it was hit with a bag of nickels.’ That set me back a few years and I always packed that stupid sarong whenever I went to the beach or pool.
But weirdly now that I’m 10 weeks post-partum after baby number two and my body is 100% in worse shape than it’s ever been, I am more comfortable with it than ever. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve finally stopped trying to swim upstream: I just sort of stopped caring whether or not I was the hottest girl at the pool, since I’m 24 now and I’m never gonna be as perky-breasted or tan as the 18-year-olds again. But hey, I look pretty good for a mom of two, and my cellulite isn’t that bad. I work out, I eat right, and I’m doing the best I can.
So really, this is a semi-depressing answer that isn’t really an answer at all. Because I sure as hell don’t know how to completely eradicate cellulite. I only just learned how to embrace it.
(PS Natalie I love you.)