We’re ten whole days into the new year which means if you’re still adhering to your new year’s resolutions, you’re ahead of 85% of the population. Good for you! Pat yourself on the back and get back to your lunges. I admire you.
If you’re not, no sweat. Don’t think of your year as a sprint to the finish line; pace yourself. If you weren’t working out in 2017, there’s no way in hell you’re gonna wake up five times a week to go to the gym when it’s still dark outside. Instead make reasonable, achievable goals, like hitting the gym three or four times a week – and if you miss one, start your clock over on Monday! Every week is a new slate. You got this. I admire you.
To show you how much, I’ve come up with some extra new year’s resolutions to pad out the sucky ones – some FUN new year’s resolutions!
1. Watch More Netflix
Yeah, I said it. Unless you’re one of these 53, I think you should watch more Netflix. Mainly because Netflix is absolutely killing it these days – they’re flooding their dashboards with history (The Crown), badass women (GLOW), and all sorts of weird and cool documentaries (How To Survive A Plague, Chasing Ice). Plus, you can always do crunches while you binge.
2. Pet More Animals
YES! Go out and pet – pet them all! This is an awesome resolution since not only does it involve kittens and/or puppies, but it can also knock out an existing resolution if you’ve decided to be ‘more giving.’
Most local shelters are in need of volunteers to help socialize the animals, which means you basically sit in a room and coo at dogs and cats all afternoon. If you’re feeling really altruistic, you could even offer yourself up for the task of cleaning out kennels – definitely good karma points here to offset that time you called your cousin-in-law a bitch behind her back.
3. Spread More Love
Maybe one of your resolutions was to be less of a thot. No worries – this doesn’t contradict that. (Although coming from someone who is now tied down and unable to ho like she used to, get all those ho years in now, girl. You will miss them one day.)
Instead, scatter love in the form of compliments and reminders of how much you care. Make a point to tell at least one friend or distant-ish family member how much they mean to you every day. Bonus points if you do it in haiku format.
4. Take More Pictures
Make 2018 the year of your selfie. It’s true that old people label selfies as narcissistic and pointless, but screw them, they’re the reason we can’t get good jobs.
Instead, celebrate your beauty – celebrate it every damn day if you want! Barefaced or bold-liner’d, make your bedroom or hallway or kitchen pantry your own private Vogue photoshoot. You will never regret having too many pictures, but you might one day regret not having enough.
5. EAT MORE
Hell yeah, I said it. Instead of sticking to your tried-and-true favorites, though, make it a challenge – try to eat one new, interesting food a week. If you stuck to this for all of 2018, you’d have tried 52 weird foods by next January!
Some suggestions include kimchi, bargain-bin caviar, haggis, and baby food. If you need any suggestions on that last one, I got you covered; I know all of the best tasting baby foods.
6. Play Harder
Make 2018 the year that you fall in love with something new, as often as you’d like. Last year I took up cello because I always wanted to and figured if not now, when? It might seem hard and weird to pick up a new hobby so ‘late’ in life, but think of it this way:
The time is going to pass anyway. This year will be gone before you even know it, and wouldn’t you like to greet the next new year an entire year better at something? Hell yeah you would.
For what it’s worth, I’m still garbage at cello, but LOOK I’m trying.
7. Spend More Money
I admit that’s a misleading title, since I don’t exactly mean spend more in terms of dollar amount. Instead, spend more money on experiences – forego a few weeks of your grab-and-go bagel and instead save up that pocket change to do something cool, like go bungee jumping or get your first tattoo or go to a weird museum.
If you’re feeling wild, make this year a year where you go somewhere international! Pick a place now, settle on it, and then plan it: find out the best month to visit, create a rough itinerary, and save up. Then, BOOK YOUR FLIGHT!
That’s right, you wild child, you’re actually doing this – you’re a regular globetrotter. Make sure to send HTLYT a postcard, preferably one of those ‘hot guys with homoerotic undertones’ ones.
8. Take More Naps
It’s 2018. We’re all stressed-out, underpaid, overwhelmed millennials. Does anyone get enough sleep anymore?
Well, now you do. Make it a point to take care of yourself – go to bed earlier, take naps when you can, and don’t feel guilty about sleeping when you’re tired. No one else in this world can take care of you like you can. Love yourself. Love your body. Give your soul what it needs.
And maybe I’m just projecting, but what my soul needs is sleep.