We all know someone who doesn’t like the word ‘moist.’ According to an actual scientific study, 20% of the population finds hearing it to be deeply unsettling, and it’s been referenced so many times in pop culture that an aversion to it has basically become a part of our zeitgeist.
Word aversions aren’t anything new, though the motivation between this moist disgust seems to be shifting from moralistic indignation to more visceral reasons like ‘mouth feel.’ It’s a fascinating topic but not one I’m delving into today, since I’m not your freaking science teacher and I hate the following six words and phrases for no other reason than they’re really fucking stupid.
First of all, just look at it. Now say it out loud. You look and sound like a sad fish. Hubby. What a ridiculous and unnecessary word. It’s not any shorter than husband; it’s still two syllables, but at least when you say ‘husband’ it gives the impression that you are literate.
I genuinely don’t know why I despise this word so much. I think it might be due to overexposure, or the way so many smug bloggers use it as a Stepford-esque identifier to find their sisters in the wild. Actually, I think that may be the cause. I am too deeply insecure to be smug. I am just jealous of their smugness.
But I will still never say hubby.
I hate this SO MUCH and I see it the most on makeup groups – “just got all these new pretties!!” “look at my MAC pretties all lined up” “all the pretties <3” – but it happens in real life, too. This one is just semantics because pretty is freaking adjective and pluralizing it incorrectly only makes it a verb, which isn’t what you’re going for, and it makes you sound like the Wicked Witch of the West.
This is you.
3. Sorry Not Sorry
I admit that when I was like, twenty and this expression was trendy, I used to flippantly say it all the time. What I didn’t realize then was that I deserved to be slapped in the mouth, since now when I hear anyone over the age of sixteen say this (or hashtag it, or use it as a caption, or force it into a Bustle article) it makes me wanna stab myself.
I literally cannot think of a response more juvenile to anything than ‘sorry not sorry,’ especially when it’s following a statement like ‘Sushi with my girls for the third night in a row!’ Guess what? You don’t have to be sorry for that. No one gives a shit that you’re cramming raw salmon down your gullet for yet another night running. Just caption the picture ‘My life is more fun than yours’ and I promise we’ll get the message.
(I might be jealous of your sushi dates, too. It’s been a very long time since sushi.)
I really don’t feel like this one needs an explanation. Extra crappy if there’s a ‘kween’ in there somewhere. Don’t just repeat inane, canned slang phrases; be a Leslie Knope. Think up amazing epithets to shower upon your friends that are less audibly irritating than a nasally ‘yaaaaaaaassssssss queeeeen slaaaaay.’
5. My Heart Is So Full
This one popped up on my Facebook feed and then suddenly was everywhere, with girls across America suffering from this nauseating pandemic. It chased the heels of ‘To the Moon and Back’ on its way out and has seemingly parked its keister here to stay, judging by its popularity between the newly engaged and middle-aged alike.
Just know that if your heart ever actually feels full of anything, it is wisest to see a cardiologist.
I hate this word because it is gross and it makes my skin crawl and I fully defend my stance that it should be thrown out and replaced with a less heinous alternative. There is nothing more to say here. Gross gross gross.
Disclaimer: If this post seems unnecessarily aggressive and I seem angry over nothing and in dire need of one of these little puppies
it’s only because I am now nearly 39 weeks pregnant and everything hurts and I am dying. I promise to be more fun next week. … Or maybe the next.
But to make up for this pointless vitriol against innocent words that did nothing wrong, we have another guest post on Friday written by a very talented friend with knack for curating the best Youtube playlists of all time. Get amped.