She must have died, because there is no other acceptable excuse for her utterly abandoning this blog. Her last post was two forevers ago – 183 days to be exact – and I mourn her loss every day. Or at least on the few days when we don’t talk on the phone. She likes to do this cute thing where she signs off our phone calls by going “I promise I’m gonna post, by the way! Tonight! As soon as I hang up! I have this great idea! I’m typing right now!” It’s so adorable.
Exclusive never-before-seen photo of Jessica mentally flipping me the bird
as she pretend-types posts on a blank screen. © Getty, I think.
Anyway. I hope you’ve finally found peace in death, Jess. Because even if you’re not really dead, you’re dead to me.*
*This is 100% false, Jessica is a glorious gift to humankind. Even if she doesn’t post for another six years, I will keep on loving her.