The internet is a vast and strange place. You know this in the abstract. You’ve probably seen flashes of it on your Facebook feed. You’ve definitely deep-dived yourself before and somehow ended up on that video of the entire Bee movie that gets sped up whenever someone says “bee.” We’ve all been there. But you know you’ve still only scratched the surface of all of the oddities the interwebz has to offer.
So, this Friday night, you can either go through all the effort of pulling yourself together (putting real clothes on, trying not to mess up your eyeliner, messing up your eyeliner, fixing your eyeliner, second-guessing your outfit, corralling your friends then finally, finally going out like the Normal People do) or you can grab a snack, snuggle up with a blanket, and let a stranger give you a guided tour of Youtube and let that springboard you into your own deep dive.
Hi. I’m Kim and I’m your tour guide this evening. I don’t have any wise advice on being pregnant or single and, although I’m a feminist, I can’t be real and empowering the way Grace is. I have exactly one talent, and it’s probably the reason why I haven’t had the time to acquire any others: I’m the friend that finds the weird internet videos. And I’m damn good at it.
I first acknowledged my talent after I went through a phase in undergrad where I stayed up until three in the morning for a week watching videos on how to make the perfect eggs, English and Japanese style.
In honor of that, here’s Gordon Ramsey yelling passionately about making sexy scrambled eggs. It’s downright motivating and has 20 million views.
Already seen that? Let Francis, the host of the show Cooking with Dog, teach you how to make a Japanese omelette.
Bored? Okay, well that means you lost your childlike sense of wonder, but that’s fine. If you want something a more extreme, check out AnimalBytesTV (formerly SnakeBytesTV) and see the craziest snake morphs. No, unfortunately, no one turns into a snake. Snake morphs are combinations of genes in snakes that breeders use to come up with rare and pretty colors and patterns, usually in ball pythons. It has a lot to do with dominant and recessive traits and definitely would have been a much more interesting way to learn about genetics in biology. Also, yes, all of those plastic containers behind him have snakes in them.
If you’re going to delve further into AnimalBytes, I highly encourage it because Brian has all the chill and I adore him. But just fair warning, it gets pretty raunchy and you can accidentally end up on double snake penises or lizard sex.
Not a snake person? I get it, I have an irrational phobia of lizards. I can make it up to you though. Are you still on the Jenna Marbles bandwagon? I lost track of her for a few years but recently came back into the fold and her new content is excellent. Recently, Jenna Marbles got really into a channel called Nail Career Education and became inspired to do her own acrylic nails. It did not go well. Obviously.
The best part is, Suzie from Nail Career Education made a super sweet response video.
And Jenna proceeded to double down by trying to do acrylic toenails.
I have no good segue to go here but my roommate and I literally just had a dance party in our kitchen, which gave me the opportunity to show her Bastille’s amazing talent for doing covers. Their rendition of No Scrubs is nothing short of soulful, but their true masterpiece is their cover of We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus, with a bit of Billy Ray thrown in. So, I thought it was only fitting I showed you too.
Let me set the scene. It’s 2013, around the time where Miley was tossing aside Hannah Montana to perform with Robin Thicke and do sexual things with a foam finger. You remember, back when we weren’t sure what was going on with her and everyone, myself included, was being at least paternalistic if not outright judgmental. To be fair, she almost married then split with a Hemsworth, and that seemed like cause for concern.
Enter Bastille, with their oddly dystopian and shade-filled cover that’s half interpretation of her relationship with her father and half reflection on society as a whole.
If you’re still with me, I’d like to reward you with the video that always cheers me up when I’m down: A Depressed Whale.
Maybe you’re now deeply engrossed into your own far-reaching corner of the internet. But, probably, you’re wondering why the hell Grace gave me a platform because I’m wondering that too. Anyway, I hope you had a good time regardless. If this doesn’t completely tank her site and passion, I might be back with even weirder videos to show you, because this is my life’s passion.
Bonus: Natalie Tran does a beauty/lifestyle vlogger parody with a twist
Kim is a law student with a very much intact childlike sense of wonder. She lives in D.C. and spends lots of time introducing her friends to weird hobbies and interests. It is only a matter of time before she is declared a national treasure. See what she’s up to on instagram @kimmism101