Here is the worst blog entry ever.
It is the result of not enough sleep, too much work put off until ‘after the holidays’ (now), and not enough time.
Here are all the things I could’ve been doing had I not committed to this blog and all its posts.
1.Drinking beer, since I’m writing this at a brewery. But I’m not, because I’m…
2. Suffering on keto. I just restarted and I haven’t actually slipped into keto flu yet, so the suffering is close on the horizon. Pray for me and prepare for future posts about nasty cauliflower substitute recipes.
3. Watching Bird Box on Netflix so I could understand all of Kim’s cool zeitgeisty references.
4. Any of my responsibilities, including but not limited to the glamorous chores of picking up dog poo, scooping up cat poo, and wiping poo off my toddler’s butt. #poo
5. Cleaning the kitchen. #kms
6. Memorizing all of the lyrics to Tony-winning Broadway musical Book of Mormon in the hopes that Andrew Rannells will think I’m cool when we inevitably meet and become best friends.
8. Masturbating. This is only tangentially related to option #7.
9. Reading one of the 3 self-help books my boss has kindly lent me in the last 4 weeks in an attempt to slowly crush me under the weight of his earnest delusions of my potential.
10. Facetiming Kim.
11. Channeling the woman two feet from me who, at 7:45 PM on a Tuesday night, just asked her much older date, “Do they have shots here?!” (Yes, girl. They do. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.)
But I’m not doing any of those things. Because instead I’m writing this terrible blog post and quietly resenting myself for becoming someone who says, “I wish I could, I’m just too busy.” Who the hell do I think I am, the Queen of England? Busy. For fuck’s sake.
What do you do when you’re too burned out to handle your responsibilities? I need to know, I think I’m suffering from millennial burnout like the rest of us learning our twenties.
— — —
image courtesy of Ashton